The life lead in a foreign country already brings with it certain guarded mechanisms, and in some contexts pretty adverse queries. My fellow chinese colleague with whom I share this (granted, result of thought processes and inevitable blame on myself, i accept) relationship is at times, a complete mystery. She seems to enjoy most of the western Sitcoms that are thrown at her, and seems to understand sarcasm fairly well and also is the butt of every third joke said. Although, the strange feeling that has resulted in my vigorous vent is surprise, or to an extent Culture shock, not just mine...her's too.
As the doobie was lit, I could see the change in her 'ever blank face', expressions which suggested a frown or suppressed glare. I might have reached a point in my personality portrait as a complete stereotypical 'bad boy' successfully, not just in my own country but I see this happens to transcend national boundaries as well. Either way, she seems to be under the impression, being subjected to an innocent request for another day of her beloved quarter's bathroom window (for fear of police, skinheads and the nascent alert trigger-999 happy man), that one is using all that she has to offer, and thus reinforcing 'not her opinion'.
I guess I have to come to terms with the equality argument more than ever now, there is a mutual respect and She has done more than all I have done for her, and it seems as if I keep using most of her time, space and ease. Naturally, the scale tips towards 'my non existence, and her taking me and my presence for granted even though I ask for it'. So each of us takes eachother for granted, and their is a surprisingly misfit rush of emotions, I felt offended when she refused outright today, and that made me realise how much I had been pushing her in the first place, and from this moment on, I pledge that I will not barge and butt in to her space, and she will be satisfied as to what value I represent, up untill the next time, the smokewalk is a real walk, not a visit.
